I rolled over in bed on Sunday morning and reached my arm out from beneath the pile of blankets I was tucked under. I flipped my phone over to check the time; I was supposed to meet a potential date for brunch in a couple hours.
With a sigh I picked up my phone to text and cancel. I felt like garbage. Not in an I-shouldn’t-be-around-other-people-because-I’m-contagious kind of way, but rather in a two-days-a-month-I-can-barely-move-because-I’m-female kind of way. (TMI? You’re welcome.) I could have bucked up and suffered through wearing real pants for a couple of hours, but I really didn’t want to. Probably alludes to just how little I was into this prospect to begin with. (Harsh? No, just realistic. I don’t like to waste anyone’s time.)
It was another match.com attempt. After quitting the online dating thing for quite awhile, I came back recently and have only confirmed what I already knew: I wasn’t going to find the right person for me this way.
It’s all so… forced.
Earlier this year, I tried the “say yes to anyone who doesn’t seem like a crazy person” thing, which sounds worse than it should. The idea was to meet people I normally wouldn’t and just put myself out there. Give it a shot, as they say.
I went on a lot of dates. There was one person that I even let go on for a couple of months, but in my gut it just felt… off. I should have ended it before I did, for their sake, but I was trying to force myself to be happy, convinced I just hadn’t given it enough time. (Always a healthy way to look at a potential relationship, right?) We were perfect for each other after all… on paper. But no matter how perfectly matched the interweb robots thought we were, we weren’t.
Now, I’m not knocking the online thing. I know several people who have found their other half that way. But for me, someone who is probably the most unconventional person you’ll ever meet, I think the only way it’s going to happen for me is the old fashioned (dare I say, conventional) way. I want that chance meeting in real life. I want to get to know someone the old-school way, not in a carefully crafted one-page essay. You might think I’m living in a pipe dream… and that’s ok.
To be honest, I’d rather be single, than settle for someone who doesn’t rip my guts out on a regular basis. (Don’t worry; gut ripping is a good thing.)
The point I’m trying to make for my fellow singles… is that there’s no written rule out there that says, “If you’re single, you are a failure.” The world around us may make us think there is sometimes, but there isn’t. It took me awhile to really realize that.
Once I did, my philosophy changed.
Be you. Get out and live your life in a way that makes you happy, no matter what that is. Put yourself in situations that introduce you to new people and ideas without worrying about where it leads. Let things unfold as they will. The rest will find you.
And most importantly, don’t settle because you think you should. For that would be the greatest tragedy of all.