There’s something about being on a plane that make me reflect. Seems crazy, right? Sitting in a metal tube, thousands of feet above the ground, with people talking and coughing and babies crying… doesn’t seem like the most insightful place to be. But for me, once we’re in the air, there’s a calming to it.
Monday night I settled into seat 19D and took a breath as we took off towards the Midwest from New York City. I slid headphones in my ears as we barreled through the sky, turned on a tune and just fell deep into thought.
I recently came into a very blunt realization about just how much I keep people a “safe” distance away from me. It takes a lot for someone to get past that barrier I have up and when they do, I never let them see it. I focus on every single reason why I shouldn’t and simply continue on, business as usual, always with my “game face” on. Meanwhile, they’ve unknowingly grabbed a hold me and I just let that connection waste away.
After all, there are rules, responsibilities, and reasons to keep myself contained and conformed, right?
Heading into 2013, though, I say fuck the rules. That way of living is not the way to grow as a human, as it just leads to dormancy. How many relationships – friendships and otherwise – have I let slip away because I’ve lived so strictly by these “rules” that are mostly made-up in my head?
Now don’t worry, I’m not talking about breaking any laws or going crazy off the deep end. But I am going to make a conscious effort to take more risks in my life and put myself out there a little more, day-by-day. You know, those baby steps I keep talking about. (Again with the baby steps!)
SIDENOTE: I’m always looking for contributors to The Awkward Dancer. Let’s face it, we could use some more voices here. You can post anonymously – and remember, writing about something your working through could help someone else in a similar situation. That’s what this site is all about. Hit the contact button up above if you’re interested.
Otherwise, I wanted to take a moment to wish you all a very HAPPY holiday season! And thank you for the many encouraging words as I find my voice again… and for humoring me by reading along.