Alterations

It’s late.  I’m tired.  I have absolutely no point in mind.  I’m just typing.

The Awkward Dancer is about life, after all, and while the majority of the time I see the positives… life isn’t always rosy.  Sometimes we go through periods of doubt and ambiguity.   Sometimes I just want to write without editing myself or steering towards a “point” or pretending to be in an upbeat mood when I’m just not.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

You see, I believe I’ve mastered the art of being stuck.  I’ll convince myself I’ve figured “it” all out and will be flying high on that coup for awhile, blazing down a path towards something that I’m so sure is right, until that instant when the truth smacks me back to the reality of the situation and I realize it was all in my head.  It’s like that awkward moment when someone is waving at you and you wave back but then suddenly recognize they are actually waving to someone standing behind you.  In that moment, you realize that you’re just a moron standing there, waving like an idiot.

“It” could be any number of things – or not a “thing” at all.  “It” could be a someone.  Regardless, what “it” is this time around doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I caught myself before I was that aforementioned moron standing there, waving like an idiot.

I’ve felt like I’ve been walking around in a fog of sorts for the past month or so.   It clouded my judgment.  It made me, in a way, completely irrational and ready to dive into uncharted waters.  The crazy part is that I liked it that way.

That illusion seemed more tolerable then the reality of improbability.  And I’m still not convinced I was completely delusional.

Delusional or not, the actuality is staring back at me and I’ve put my game face back on, waiting for someone to prove me wrong.

Vagueness at it’s finest, right?

That’s all.

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