The night air was thick with moisture as I walked down to the cute little wine bar in my neighborhood. The cold stayed outside as the wood door closed behind me and I scanned the bar looking for someone who I knew would be there looking for me.
He was sitting next to the only empty chair in the place, sipping on a local brew. I knew that chair was for me, so I walked towards him. He turned and smiled as I sat down and ordered a glass of wine. Hello tall, dark and handsome. Quite literally.
Yep. I was on a date.
Wait, wait, wait… didn’t you swear off dating?
You’re right, I did. To be more accurate, I really just took a much-needed break from it.
After an experiment of sorts, where I pretty much said “yes” to anyone who asked me out, I went to the complete other end of the spectrum somewhere around summertime last year. I started turning down pretty much anyone who asked me. I turned off my online profile. As far as I was concerned, I was done with it all. I didn’t know what I wanted and was tired of looking for it with blurry vision.
That break is exactly what I needed. I’ve gone through a pretty significant life change over the past few years and I really needed to get to know who I’ve become. (That may sound weird, and maybe we’ll explore that concept in another post…)
I quietly turned my profile back on a couple of weeks ago, just to see what would happen. (Dating in the digital age is kind of like fishing in a lot of ways, when you really think about it.)
If we were to go back and look at my dating history (which we won’t), I’ve essentially gone out with the same type of guy over and over. For the most part, they were all really great guys and I wanted to be attracted to them. But something clearly wasn’t clicking for me.
This time around in the dating game feels different because, well, I am different.
I don’t think I ever would have said yes to the guy I went out with tonight before. He was pretty assertive, which used to put me out of my comfort zone. To be clear – he wasn’t assertive in a creepy-I-should-worry kind of way. Rather in a way where he just took charge of things and was extremely confident. I liked that.
Now, I’m not sure I’ll ever see this guy again. It was just a first date. Those are a dime a dozen. We did have a fun evening chatting and flirting, but I’m not sure there’s enough there for it to be anything more than that. Even still, it was a great night because it taught me so much about myself. It showed me more about what I was doing so wrong before and pushed me closer towards what I’m really searching for in another person.
I’m always preaching change and allowing yourself to evolve into the person you want to become. Yet, I never applied that in my approach to dating. Therefore I stayed stuck in that cycle of going out with all these wrong-for-me people to the point where I just quit.
I found success in my career because I took risks and evolved based on what I learned were my strengths. I lost 120 pounds because I made significant changes to my lifestyle and really took the time to learn about why I had failed in the past. So why not apply that attitude towards dating?
I’ve had plenty of opportunities to settle into a comfortable relationship that would have been “okay.” But, as I haven’t in anything else I’ve ever done, I don’t settle for just okay. I’m going for awesome in this life.
Always go for awesome, friends.