I caught myself slipping to sleep while curled up on the oversized chair in my living room early yesterday evening. I wanted more than anything to let myself fall into a nap, but I hadn’t gotten my work out in for the day yet. I toyed with the idea of letting it go, but my body had another plan.
It was like I wasn’t even in control as I got up, changed into workout clothes and drove to the gym. My mind wasn’t yet on board, but I had to get it done. I hopped on a bike and started riding. A few minutes in, I was going faster than I’d gone in a long time and found a cadence that somehow danced perfectly with the tunes pumping into my ears.
My legs were throbbing as I walked back to the locker room and I felt awesome. My breath caught up with the rest of me as I passed by the glass-enclosed spinning room where I caught the image of someone walking along the opposite side. Who was that girl, I thought for a minute, before realizing it was my own reflection matching my movements across the mirror that spanned the entire wall.
We all have an image of ourselves in our heads and often times that likeness doesn’t match reality. I run into that often. Many times, that image in my head is still one of that fat and extremely awkward girl I used to be.
She was a girl who struggled for years, not only with her weight, but also with her being. She tried desperately to pour herself into molds others were holding out for her, rather than realizing she had to cast her own. Without realizing she could.
This weekend I hung out with some of my oldest friends. Most of them I’ve known since we were little kids. They’ve stuck with me through ups and downs, embraced my oddities and even though I only see them a few times a year these days, we tend to pick up exactly where we left off. I’m extremely lucky to know them.
They’re all married, most with kids, and I used to leave my meetings with them feeling inadequate and/or out of place. Not because of anything they did, obviously, but because of those “molds” I thought I had to fit in. I used to feel this overwhelming sense of urgency to “catch up” with them.
I didn’t feel like that this time.
Which proved to me that I’ve really evolved into my fully realized self. A person who is happy and content with who she is and is hungry to learn and grow further as a human being. I couldn’t really do that until I was cool with myself, first. That was my roadblock.
It’s all related to finding YOUR truth and what makes YOU happy. How do you identify what’s been holding you back from growing into the person you want to be? How do you bust through that barrier?
Those are not questions I can answer for you. Only you can do that. It’s scary… but worth it. I promise.