That’s what you’ve found here at The Awkward Dancer lately. At first I blamed my travel schedule, but really, I think I had (temporarily) just lost the motivation to write. I felt like I’d run out of things to say. Or I was becoming redundant. Or… I don’t know what.
While writing may have stopped for a bit, life certainly hasn’t. Workouts are getting done. Nutrition is being tracked. New experiences are being had.
Three years ago, I was in New York with friends from Minneapolis, celebrating the arrival of my 30th birthday. After spending the better part of a decade essentially standing still in my life, I was shaken awake by a photo that appeared on Facebook. You guys know that story.
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on the past three years and the amazing journey I’ve been on… and continue to chase. I feel humbled and thankful. I feel motivated. And while it’s not always cherries and roses… I feel happy.
(This is the part where I knock on wood.)
I have big ideas for what my next step on this road is, although I’m not going to proclaim them here. Not yet. For life has a funny way of changing our best laid plans, hasn’t it? All I can do is chase my passions and follow them to what life has in store for me.
That can be scary because the path is unknown. But our better self is always up ahead on the unfamiliar road. We can choose to pace back and forth in place (see also: familiarity), wanting to get there… or we can sprint ahead on faith and determination and actually go get it.
This afternoon I went for a walk around my favorite urban lake. Towards the end of the jaunt, a little girl who looked to be about six or seven was running up ahead on the path from where the rest of her family was walking. She’d slow down, then run ahead, slow down, then run ahead. I noticed she looked a LOT like I did at that age. The resemblance was uncanny. For a while she walked along beside me and it felt a lot like I was walking with my younger self. It was a bit haunting, but in a stirring way.
I thought about who I was at that age. The things I used to think about as I looked ahead to my future. I was always thinking about my future. I had big ideas back then, too. Some have been realized; some have stayed as just ideas. But all of it happened the way it was supposed to… and I believe whole-heartedly that what lies ahead of me now will unfold exactly as it’s meant to. I just have to let it.