Waves

I sat in my car outside of my house after work today. A song I’ve had on repeat for days played through the speakers and I felt numb. I stared out the windshield and didn’t move… I couldn’t move. I could feel the emotion I’d been suppressing all day pushing it’s way to the surface. I caught a glimpse of my watery eyes in the rear-view mirror and took a few deep breaths to catch my composure before heading inside. My dog greeted me with an excited gallop and I tried to smile as I patted her head.

You’re going to be okay, I told myself quietly. I didn’t believe the voice inside my head at that moment, but in other moments I did. I figured maybe if I kept saying it enough it will eventually be true.

For the past eleven days, I’ve felt like I’ve been standing on a beach with huge, crashing waves slamming into me, bruising my body. My only focus: to just stay standing.

As each wave smashes into me, a different emotion rips through my soul. Anxiousness as I parted ways with a company I’d given blood, sweat and tears to for over eight years… heartbreak as the love of my life told me it was over… excitement and nervousness as I took on a new challenge at a young, kick-ass company… and every single emotion in between. Just keep standing, just keep breathing.

I can’t control what I can’t control. (Thanks, Captain obvious.) All I can do is move ahead, doing my best with each step I take and having faith that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.

That’s all any of us can do, right?

Perhaps sometimes we need to stand in the waves and let the pounding water cleanse away the dirt that’s hindered our vision, so when the waters calm, we see the world in a way we haven’t in a long time. Clearer. With what’s most important coming into focus.

There’s more to this story and lessons learned.  More on that soon…

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