Still Standing

You know how sometimes your laptop just starts acting a little… off?  It’ll start taking forever for things to open or it won’t stay connected to the internet.  It gets frustrating and you think you’re about to lose your mind.  But you have a million things open that you’re working on and you really don’t want to shut it all down and re-open everything again one-by-one… so you deal with it.  After mounting frustration, you finally face the fact that a reboot is the only thing that will fix it.

Sometimes we humans need a reboot too.  I feel like I’ve done a major one on myself over the past sixty days.  It was forced upon me.  It was painful.  It was hard.  It was frustrating.  But it was exactly what I needed.  And I know it was what I needed and the work I’ve done is real,  because this weekend, when tough conversations were had with someone I still love, I was okay.  I felt, and continue to feel, a lot of things about what was revealed, but I didn’t explode into an emotional disaster like I have in the past.  I’m looking at life rationally and with an open mind and a healthy curiosity.  For the past two months, I’ve been taking a long hard look at myself… reflecting on my past, looking forward to my future and studying the relationship between the two.  Incredible self-realizations have surfaced and I feel stronger than I ever have.  There are still uncertainties to navigate through, there always will be in life, but I know I’m on solid footing now to  handle it better.

In my darkest and hardest moments these past two months, my friends told me that it would get better.  They told me that there was a reason for the pain and I would see what that reason was in time.  When you’re in the thick of the fog, when your heart is in a million pieces,  when you think you won’t survive it… that’s the last thing you want to hear.  But we HAVE to hear it.  And we have to try and believe in it.  Because as hard as life’s heartbreaks are to go through, there IS a reason and it DOES get better.  I’m living proof of that.

“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”  – Henry Ford






One comment

  1. Caelii · September 2, 2014

    Your posting really stgenrhtaied me out. Thanks!

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